It's been a rough week all around. I'm still stressing about this paper that's due in two weeks and I am nowhere near halfway done with it. And I am pretty sure I will be suspended for summer semester because with my grades being what they are, they won't be A's and B's, even if I do well on the finals.
I'm going to go day by day of this week, but first a little background on this. Matt found out about me and Brittney and he talked to us about it. Later, we found out that Matt told Jason. So I know Jason knows. He just doesn't know that I know that he knows.
Sunday:
It's Sunday and I'm stressing to the max because the first rough draft of the paper was due the next day and I was no where near that. And I couldn't skip because I was so sure that if I missed one more class, then I would be withdrawn from the class, and I cannot have that, at all. Well, some things went down and I ended up in a car in the pouring pouring rain for sometime trying to comfort a friend. So it's about 2ish in the morning before I get into the study room to work on said paper. Well, Sammy and I kinda got into it through text and we were basically fighting. And long story short, I just wrote a new story that didn't make sense that was four pages long and sent it to my email (or so I thought...I found out on Wednesday that I had forgotten to attach it to the email). It's about 5 when I get back to my room. I had thought about going ahead and staying up all night, since I would have to get up at 830 anyways. Well, I lie down...and fell asleep....
Monday:
I wake up and look at my phone. I have three missed calls, all from Paige and several texts, again, all from Paige. My phone had been on silent so I missed all the calls. When I looked at the time, it was 1020. It was too late to high tail it to class, because class was almost over. I freaked out and on top of this, Kayla had called me and accidentally hung up on me and when she tried to call me back, I wouldn't answer. Paige had told me that my professor said to send her an email, so that's what I did. Then, I didn't feel like going to class for the rest of the day and so I didn't. I went to lunch with Brittney and texted Alyssa if I could get a ride to CCF because Jason and I were going to talk about the baptism. At two, Alyssa came and picked me up and took me to CCF. I got there and went in. And it started off well, I think. Then, the thing that started it all.....Jason was saying that baptism was like a burial of the old self along with the struggles and the sin of today, and then he asked me what was mine. If I was so against it, I would have said my struggles with bisexuality. But I honestly believe that God does not care that I am bi, I really do. And I know that I have other things that I struggle with, but I'm not really sure what. And I felt like Jason was trying to get me to say that about bisexuality and I was internally refusing to say it to him, just absolutely refusing to say it to him or to myself. I simply told Jason I wasn't quite comfortable with talking about it with him and he asked me who I was most comfortable talking to about it and I said, Brittney, Sammy, and Brooke BEFORE she left. Jason told me he wanted me to talk them before Thursday. Jason and I made a time to meet again before Thursday and I left. I needed to time to think and I needed to just walk so I told Alyssa I was walking back. I crossed the street and was walking past the CVS. I look ahead and see a semi-truck coming my way and I thought, "Dang....how easy would it be to just step out in front of it and just end it all?" Then ALL I could think of was Brittney, and only her...not my family, none of my other friends that I've grown up with, just Brittney, which I thought was weird. At this time, the semi-truck passed me. I stepped off the sidewalk towards CVS and texted Brittney. I told her to come get me before I did anything stupid. Brittney was immediately on her way and had Kayla call me so that I wouldn't do anything stupid and that she wouldn't get in a wreck trying to get there as fast as she can. And while I was mad at Brittney for having Kayla call me, I'm so glad she did, so glad. Brittney finally got there and took me back to campus and I told her what happened with Jason and that horrible thought. After sitting in the car for a few minutes, and I was done ranting, sort of, Brittney asked if I wanted to go to the creek and I said yes. So we went to the creek. There, Brittney made me pinky promise that I wouldn't do anything stupid while I was there. While Brittney called Chelsea, I went and sat down by the creek, kind of far from Brittney, so that all I could hear was the creek's running water. After a few minutes, Brittney came up and handed me her phone. It was Kayla on the phone. We talked for a few minutes and then I gave the phone back to Brittney. Long story short on this next part, Brittney and I ended up deciding to drive to Blakely right then and there. So we did. We got in the car, went back to the dorm, packed some things, and left. We had left about 530-6ish and we got there about 8-830-9ish. Brittney, Kayla, and I stayed the night at Chelsea's.Tuesday: We wake up and Brittney decides that she's not ready to leave and in all honesty, neither was I. So instead of leaving at 11 like planned, we decided 6-7. Kayla had to work at 6 and when she left, she wasn't going to be able to come back and hang out. So, again, long story short, it was the plan that I would hang out with Kayla all day, while Brittney and Chelsea did their thing. Kayla would come back, ONLY to drop me off. So I went ahead and packed my stuff and left with Kayla. First stop we make is to see her mom. I was so a nervous wreck, but I was trying to play it cool. It didn't help that Kayla kept asking if I was nervous. So we get there and everything seems to be going well. We leave and when we get to the store, her mom comes out and tells her to come back over there (the store was right next door). And so we walked over there. While I'm standing in the kitchen, Kayla and her mom are in the back room arguing. I couldn't hear anything. But I do hear her mom say, "Take her home and bring your ass back here." So Kayla took me back to Chelsea's house and kept apologizing for it. In the end, I found out that she lied to her mom where she was the previous night, and on top of that, she finally told her mom she was gay. And her mom knew this, but she wanted Kayla to tell her when she was ready to tell her, but apparently, she wasn't ready to hear it (what parent really is anyways?). Well we get back to Chelsea's and Kayla told Chelsea what happened. Then we said our goodbyes and Kayla left. Brittney and I went with Chelsea to meet her mom. Then we went to Bainbridge so Chelsea could do something there, then we got something to eat because we were all hungry. After that, we went back to the house and put the stuff in the car and left about 430. We made it back by 7-730ish. When we got back, I felt so out of it. Like I was standing still and the rest of the world was moving fast paced around me. And I hated that feeling, absolutely hated it. I went to the Lambda (last one of the year) and I didn’t really participate or talk much. I’m surprised that no one asked me what was wrong but then again, I’m not surprised. Afterwards, Brittney and I headed back and during this, Brooke texts me and asks me how my week was going. When I told her that I had better weeks, but it was all good now, she asked me what made it better, I said seeing my girlfriend. But she kept saying okay so finally I gave up on having an actual conversation. Brittney went to her room and I went to Late Night. It was good to be stressed free, even if it was a couple of hours.
Wednesday:
Wednesday seemed to be an okay day. Nothing to terribly horrible happened. Brittney and I rented Bolt and Fireproof. We watched Bolt and then tried to watch Lloyd on youtube but the movie wouldn’t load so we gave up on that real quick because the movie wouldn’t load. While all this is going on, Brooke randomly texted me and asked me why a girl (that’s not verbatim, just the basis of it). And when I told her my reasons, she just said okay. And I may not be close to Brooke as I used to be, but I still know that when she keeps saying okay, she really wants to say something, but she’s refraining from saying it. And it drove me crazy then and it still drives me crazy. So I finally texted her and told her that if she wanted to say something, just say it. And she finally did. I stopped responding after a while. I’ve come to realize that Brooke and I are never going to be the same ever again. We just aren’t close anymore, we just aren’t. And I hate that because I value our friendship still, I do, but I can’t just talk to her the way we used to and that sucks major. But it’s something that I’ve been dealing with for a long time.
Thursday:
Thursday is the day of all days. This is the day where I realize that Kayla isn’t going to be able to hang out partly because of what happened on Tuesday. So there’s no point in me sitting in a car for 3 hours just so Brittney can be with Chelsea. So I made plans to go home. My brother had texted me and told me that Dagen would be home for the weekend. I was in a class (not one of my classes, just in a class), when Chelsea texts me and tells me I need to watch my back. That she didn’t think Kayla was serious about this relationship. And on top of that, I’ve got Brittney telling me that she’s got a bad vibe from Kayla as well. I’m hearing all these things and I’ve got Kayla saying that she’s never felt this way about anyone before and that she loves and care about me a lot. So I naturally don’t know who to believe at this point. I’m torn between my loyalty to my best friend who has always had my back and the girl who claims that she cares and loves me. I didn’t know what the heck to think. After that class, Maritza and Angela sat outside with me and were trying to talk to me and trying to make me feel better. I was so on the verge of tears, you can ask Maritza or Angela. But I never cried cause I just can’t cry in front of people, I just can’t. Kayla was trying to call me and I wouldn’t answer the phone. I didn’t answer it because I didn’t know what to tell her and I was afraid that if I talked to her, I would start crying and I just didn’t want to cry. I texted her and she talked me through it as well as Maritza and Angela. I finally said screw it, I’m taking a chance. And I know that Brittney and Chelsea are just trying to keep from getting hurt, but maybe it’s time I got hurt again. What doesn’t kill only makes you stronger, right? I finally made it back to the dorm and changed for CCF. Brittney and I left and picked some people up. We got there late, but I honestly didn’t care, because I didn’t want to talk to Jason yet, or anyone really. The worship went great and the message was good except that Brittney, Erin Mathis, and I are so sure it was directed towards Britt and I. We felt like Matt kept looking at us during his speech. We hated that. I still hate it. I’m just trying to keep a grip on reality and sometimes it’s hard to. But Brittney and I are definitely at that paranoia stage, which is totally understandable. Afterwards, Britt and I left pretty much right away. We watched Fireproof in her kitchen (or tried to). We gave up after while when we were talking to Kayla and Chelsea on the phone. Then we went to bed.
I plan on updating for this week later, but I have to get to bed.
Saturday, April 25, 2009
Wednesday, April 08, 2009
I am getting baptized
on April 23, 2009, after the last CCF we have. I am so excited. I obviously talked to Jason and he explained the whole thing to me, and did I mention I can't wait???? God has been so good to me and I can't wait to see what else He has in store for me!!
Sunday, when Chelsea and Kayla came up to visit us, was AMAZING! Kayla and I hit it off really well and we are still texting each other. We are even sending pictures to one another!! Still working on the calling thing haha. Kayla's accent is so thick that I can barely understand on her on the phone. :D They watched me play softball and we (CCF) had a good game even though we lost (I think). After that, we went to Applebee's for dinner and after that, Chelsea and Kayla dropped Brittney and I off and they left. We didn't want them to leave haha. After we got to the top of the steps, Britt and I turned around and watched them drive off. We so weren't ready for them to leave.
We had late night at CCF tonight, so here are my notes!!
1
It is easy to give up your material things, but it is hard to give your flesh and body fully over to God.
We are just stewards of our things and body. We are just 'borrowing' our bodies.
We are slaves to Christ because He made us, He owns us.
Redeemer-He is our owner, our creator, and we have sold ourselves to other worldly things, our desires, and Christ has bought us back to be His.
We are slaves to Christ, but we dont like the word 'slave' because we associate it with things like working for other people, bondage, injustice, oppression.
But we are free slaves. We are slaves to Christ but He gives us free will to do what we want to.
What you do or don't do, you are still doing something, even if that something is nothing.
2
We have to give up our wants, our desires, and truly worship God for all His worth.
Abraham's sacrifice of Isacc: Willingness to give up what he truly loved the most to show how much he loved God.
We are trying to understand God's will sufficently.
Thomas knew that it would turn out horrible and he still chose to follow Christ.
3
We have the freedom to make mistakes and still be able to come back and try again.
It's difficult to give full control to God.
Philippians 4:13-We can withstand trial, pain, mockery, suffering because God strengthens them.
We can't be healed til we have been broken.
Sunday, when Chelsea and Kayla came up to visit us, was AMAZING! Kayla and I hit it off really well and we are still texting each other. We are even sending pictures to one another!! Still working on the calling thing haha. Kayla's accent is so thick that I can barely understand on her on the phone. :D They watched me play softball and we (CCF) had a good game even though we lost (I think). After that, we went to Applebee's for dinner and after that, Chelsea and Kayla dropped Brittney and I off and they left. We didn't want them to leave haha. After we got to the top of the steps, Britt and I turned around and watched them drive off. We so weren't ready for them to leave.
We had late night at CCF tonight, so here are my notes!!
1
It is easy to give up your material things, but it is hard to give your flesh and body fully over to God.
We are just stewards of our things and body. We are just 'borrowing' our bodies.
We are slaves to Christ because He made us, He owns us.
Redeemer-He is our owner, our creator, and we have sold ourselves to other worldly things, our desires, and Christ has bought us back to be His.
We are slaves to Christ, but we dont like the word 'slave' because we associate it with things like working for other people, bondage, injustice, oppression.
But we are free slaves. We are slaves to Christ but He gives us free will to do what we want to.
What you do or don't do, you are still doing something, even if that something is nothing.
2
We have to give up our wants, our desires, and truly worship God for all His worth.
Abraham's sacrifice of Isacc: Willingness to give up what he truly loved the most to show how much he loved God.
We are trying to understand God's will sufficently.
Thomas knew that it would turn out horrible and he still chose to follow Christ.
3
We have the freedom to make mistakes and still be able to come back and try again.
It's difficult to give full control to God.
Philippians 4:13-We can withstand trial, pain, mockery, suffering because God strengthens them.
We can't be healed til we have been broken.
Friday, April 03, 2009
I'm an idiot
Today I told Sammy that I was bi. And I have been worrying for nothing. She didn't care. She didn't care!! She said that I am too much of her best friend to let that come between us. It's more of a relief than I can put into words. I felt bad when she said that I must have not know her that well. But I like to think that I do know her quite well. But I guess I allowed this own guilt of keeping a secret like that from her for so long that I couldn't see that she would still love me anyways. You guys don't even know how relieved I am though. I can only hope that my parents take it as well. I plan on telling them, I just have to know that right moment to do it, ya know? I know I'm closer to telling them than I was back in October.
Heidi and I are talking again. She was talking about wanting to do a girls' day out, just me and her, and just catching up. I hope she means it, cuz I love Heidi. She is my best friend and my sister. I can't imagine losing her. Which is why I am so grateful that our parents are best friends, because without them, we wouldn't be best friends anymore and I know that. That's why I cherish every moment I can get with that girl.
I went to CCF tonight like I always do every Thursday. It was a good night. Here's some of my notes:
LIVING SACRIFICES
Acts 2:40-47
Romans 12:1-2
1. God is the Creator, Owner, and Designer of our bodies.
Genesis 1:26-27
1 Corinthians 6:19-20
2. We must become a living sacrifice.
Romans 12:1
How can we become a living sacrifice?
The Sacrifice of Isacc
Live life to the fullest through Him
True worship is laying all your mind, strength, body, and sould down at the altar of God and
living through Him
Do the best to your ability at giving God the glory
3. When God is fully in control of our lives then nothing is impossible.
Luke 1:37
Philippians 4:13
3 Prayers:
Break/ruin my heart O God
Heal me O God
Use me O God
And then Stephen said something that made me think....
he said that if we devote ten minutes a day to the Word of God and two hours to Facebook/Myspace/Twitter, etc., then we have a problem. We need to spend the time that we spend being on Facebook or whatever, reading the Word and learning more about our God and not who did what three days ago.
I have been thinking alot about getting baptized. I've wanted to do it awhile actually, because I want to reborn again in my passion for God and for Christ, but I never could figure out the right time to say anything to Jason. Well, that time came last Thursday. After the Shane & Shane Concert, Jason talked for a few minutes and then, he mentioned how a group of students were getting baptized in the next month. That's when I got goosebumps (and I was sweating). THAT was when I KNEW God was telling me that I was ready, that now is the time. So, because I didn't get a chance to talk to Jason after the concert, I emailed and I told him that exact same thing as the above. And we are gonna talk tomorrow more about it. I am pretty excited about it. I'm going to try and talk to my parents about it this weekend when I go home.
Well, I think that's all about I can write for now...Laterz
Heidi and I are talking again. She was talking about wanting to do a girls' day out, just me and her, and just catching up. I hope she means it, cuz I love Heidi. She is my best friend and my sister. I can't imagine losing her. Which is why I am so grateful that our parents are best friends, because without them, we wouldn't be best friends anymore and I know that. That's why I cherish every moment I can get with that girl.
I went to CCF tonight like I always do every Thursday. It was a good night. Here's some of my notes:
LIVING SACRIFICES
Acts 2:40-47
Romans 12:1-2
1. God is the Creator, Owner, and Designer of our bodies.
Genesis 1:26-27
1 Corinthians 6:19-20
2. We must become a living sacrifice.
Romans 12:1
How can we become a living sacrifice?
The Sacrifice of Isacc
Live life to the fullest through Him
True worship is laying all your mind, strength, body, and sould down at the altar of God and
living through Him
Do the best to your ability at giving God the glory
3. When God is fully in control of our lives then nothing is impossible.
Luke 1:37
Philippians 4:13
3 Prayers:
Break/ruin my heart O God
Heal me O God
Use me O God
And then Stephen said something that made me think....
he said that if we devote ten minutes a day to the Word of God and two hours to Facebook/Myspace/Twitter, etc., then we have a problem. We need to spend the time that we spend being on Facebook or whatever, reading the Word and learning more about our God and not who did what three days ago.
I have been thinking alot about getting baptized. I've wanted to do it awhile actually, because I want to reborn again in my passion for God and for Christ, but I never could figure out the right time to say anything to Jason. Well, that time came last Thursday. After the Shane & Shane Concert, Jason talked for a few minutes and then, he mentioned how a group of students were getting baptized in the next month. That's when I got goosebumps (and I was sweating). THAT was when I KNEW God was telling me that I was ready, that now is the time. So, because I didn't get a chance to talk to Jason after the concert, I emailed and I told him that exact same thing as the above. And we are gonna talk tomorrow more about it. I am pretty excited about it. I'm going to try and talk to my parents about it this weekend when I go home.
Well, I think that's all about I can write for now...Laterz
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Gram
My grandmother is one of the most amazing people I ever knew. And I don't ever talk about her. And I wish I did, because she's that amazing. I tried writing a song for her after she died. It's an unfinished one, because every line didn't seem to be enough to express how amazing she is. Even the word 'amazing' is an understatement to just how wonderful she is. I like to think I get some of my artistic talent from her. She could take anything that we as a society see as ugly, horrendous, and disgusting, and turn it into a beautiful piece of art. She was that good. My favorite thing she had ever done was this horse head sculpture. I have a picture of it somewhere, but no photography skills of mine could show how awesome of a piece it is. It's currently sitting in Andrew's room and it's actually Ryan's, and he plans to put it back in his room soon. The last time I was at my aunt's, I stayed in Andrew's room and I can remember sitting there and just staring at it. I mean really staring at it. I noticed all the lines, the way she put it together, everything. And I felt at peace. I felt calm, like I was safe within myself. I like to think that I am like her in some ways as far as the artist in us goes. Like I said before, she can take ugly things and make them beautiful. People are always telling me that they never thought an ugly thing could look so good in a photograph, but it does. I am always trying to find an awesome shot. I am always imagining how a shot could look. Granted, I don’t get to try and capture a lot of them, but the ones that I do, turn out really well. Epiphany (well I actually had it earlier): What inspires me to take pictures and make the world around us more beautiful than it already is? Gram. It’s because of her that I know that there are really good people in this world. It’s because of her that I see the world the way that I do. It’s because of her that I was not and am not afraid to tell her anything.
Before Anna, she was my sole best friend. During Anna, she was my best friend. After Anna, she was my sole best friend. She is never judging anyone. She never cared about what her crazy grandchildren did, as long as we were happy. She loved us much much much more than Anna loved me. We could walk in the house with purple Mohawk, tattoos all over us, piercings in who-knows-what, and she would still love us just as much as if we walked into the house dressed in preppy clothes. I feel like she would be the only grandparent that I could tell that I am bi, and she would never judge me.
When Gram was in the hospital, we knew she was going to go soon, and I never saw her in the hospital. It’s not like I didn’t love her, I love her than anything in this world. I just thought that it would be better that I remembered her the way that I did, this strong, beautiful, and feisty woman. Not the sick looking one in the hospital bed. I never got to say goodbye and today, I would trade that for anything in this world. Just to be able to tell her that I love her and that I’ll miss her. I had four grandparents and one is still alive. I have yet been able to say goodbye to them. It kills me sometimes to know that. But I know that they still love me anyways. I know that they still want what is best for me, for all of their crazy kids and grandkids.
Gram was a crazy woman, but she was a very loved woman. The next time I saw her after she had gone into the hospital was at her funeral. She was laying in that casket as beautiful as ever. But I met so many people that day, including her best friend. I still wish sometimes that I had met her while Gram was still alive, but I still feel blessed to know her. She told me a lot of stories about the things that she and Gram did. Many of which I had already heard, but still loved hearing them again. The service was a beautiful one and I like to believe that Gram would most definitely agree.
I still feel her presence around me sometimes. I like to think that she and Anna are up there (for they never met in real life), telling stories and laughing, and being there for me when I so desperately need them. So I say this again, Gram was an amazing, crazy, beautiful, not judging, beautiful, wonderful woman.
Before Anna, she was my sole best friend. During Anna, she was my best friend. After Anna, she was my sole best friend. She is never judging anyone. She never cared about what her crazy grandchildren did, as long as we were happy. She loved us much much much more than Anna loved me. We could walk in the house with purple Mohawk, tattoos all over us, piercings in who-knows-what, and she would still love us just as much as if we walked into the house dressed in preppy clothes. I feel like she would be the only grandparent that I could tell that I am bi, and she would never judge me.
When Gram was in the hospital, we knew she was going to go soon, and I never saw her in the hospital. It’s not like I didn’t love her, I love her than anything in this world. I just thought that it would be better that I remembered her the way that I did, this strong, beautiful, and feisty woman. Not the sick looking one in the hospital bed. I never got to say goodbye and today, I would trade that for anything in this world. Just to be able to tell her that I love her and that I’ll miss her. I had four grandparents and one is still alive. I have yet been able to say goodbye to them. It kills me sometimes to know that. But I know that they still love me anyways. I know that they still want what is best for me, for all of their crazy kids and grandkids.
Gram was a crazy woman, but she was a very loved woman. The next time I saw her after she had gone into the hospital was at her funeral. She was laying in that casket as beautiful as ever. But I met so many people that day, including her best friend. I still wish sometimes that I had met her while Gram was still alive, but I still feel blessed to know her. She told me a lot of stories about the things that she and Gram did. Many of which I had already heard, but still loved hearing them again. The service was a beautiful one and I like to believe that Gram would most definitely agree.
I still feel her presence around me sometimes. I like to think that she and Anna are up there (for they never met in real life), telling stories and laughing, and being there for me when I so desperately need them. So I say this again, Gram was an amazing, crazy, beautiful, not judging, beautiful, wonderful woman.
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Biloxi
I am starting to see how Jason gets behind on this haha
I am currently on spring break for the week and I am in Biloxi, back at Lemoyne Boulevard Baptist Church, doing more work. I really enjoyed it during winter break and plus Sammy didn't want to be the only girl in the group. The first day, Monday, we got here, it was about 6ish and so we went to the beach, where Justin broke his toe. He didn't get it checked out til today though. Yesterday, Tuesday, we went around cleaning up houses for the nexct group to come in and build on the house. Then about 4, we got done, showered, went to walmart, and then went to the beach for a picnic and to watch the sunset! It was pretty cool. I must have taken over 230 pictures yesterday alone. Today, Sammy and I stayed at the church and popped pills. The church helps sponsor this free clinic and they get all their meds from pharmecuetical companies and they are in like sample form, and they need it in well, not sample form. So they need people to pop them out of their little packages. That's where the whole pill-popping thing comes from haha. And Sammy and I did it all day. Ty helped us in the morning before lunch and Justin helped us in the afternoon. Needless to say, my thumbs HURT!
My shoulders also hurt from the wood we were carrying back and forth and im pretty sure i'll be getting a fiberglass zit on my arm from the insulation, but it's all good.
I've been thinking of talking to Alan and seeing if it's at all possible to maybe stay here for a semester. I've been thinking of taking a semester off, and rather laying around doing nothing, I could be here, making a difference, and the church could help my find a paying job while i am here. I don't know, it's just something that's been on my mind alot. There's alot on my mind these days haha but I am just trying to focus on getting off academic probation for this semester.
So many thoughts going around in my brain and no way to really sort it out.
Story of my life.
I'll try to update more, and I'll try to keep ya'll updated on the whole Summer in Biloxi possibility...
I am currently on spring break for the week and I am in Biloxi, back at Lemoyne Boulevard Baptist Church, doing more work. I really enjoyed it during winter break and plus Sammy didn't want to be the only girl in the group. The first day, Monday, we got here, it was about 6ish and so we went to the beach, where Justin broke his toe. He didn't get it checked out til today though. Yesterday, Tuesday, we went around cleaning up houses for the nexct group to come in and build on the house. Then about 4, we got done, showered, went to walmart, and then went to the beach for a picnic and to watch the sunset! It was pretty cool. I must have taken over 230 pictures yesterday alone. Today, Sammy and I stayed at the church and popped pills. The church helps sponsor this free clinic and they get all their meds from pharmecuetical companies and they are in like sample form, and they need it in well, not sample form. So they need people to pop them out of their little packages. That's where the whole pill-popping thing comes from haha. And Sammy and I did it all day. Ty helped us in the morning before lunch and Justin helped us in the afternoon. Needless to say, my thumbs HURT!
My shoulders also hurt from the wood we were carrying back and forth and im pretty sure i'll be getting a fiberglass zit on my arm from the insulation, but it's all good.
I've been thinking of talking to Alan and seeing if it's at all possible to maybe stay here for a semester. I've been thinking of taking a semester off, and rather laying around doing nothing, I could be here, making a difference, and the church could help my find a paying job while i am here. I don't know, it's just something that's been on my mind alot. There's alot on my mind these days haha but I am just trying to focus on getting off academic probation for this semester.
So many thoughts going around in my brain and no way to really sort it out.
Story of my life.
I'll try to update more, and I'll try to keep ya'll updated on the whole Summer in Biloxi possibility...
Wednesday, March 04, 2009
Life goals
So I'm sitting here and I can't sleep. I decided to go through some old documents on my computer. Lo and behold! I found my life goals that I wrote when I was either a Junior or Senior. It says something about wanting to read the Bible so I know it wouldn't be from my Freshman or Sophomore year of high school! Most of these haven't even changed, in fact, none of them have changed! :) It's in here just I had written it!If I have, in fact, done it, I'll say so and add commentary if I feel it is necessary. :D Enjoy
1. Skydive
2. Go to Ireland
3. Do at least two mission trips
(I have completed one and am planning to go to Mexico on another one)
4. Publish a book that’s either poetry or an actual story
5. Visit London
6. Learn to surf
7. Kiss in the pouring rain
8. Backpack across Europe
9. Spend the night on the beach
10. Have a bonfire with as many friends possible
(that actually happened on the CCF Fall Retreat 2008!)
11. Get mentioned in some newspaper, I don’t even care if it’s my college’s paper!
(I am currently Writer of the Week, or was by the time this gets read, in the West Georgian)
12. Take a road trip across the U.S. and I have to visit every state
13. Lay in a field and just watch the clouds go by
14. Take a clear picture of Orion
(I am close to achieving this, I have the equipment, the weather won't cooperate with me!)
15. Publish a photography project
(I have several ideas for a project, like I said before, I have the equipment, I just have no time!)16. See the fireworks in San Antonio
(Did that summer 2005 with my youth group at the ELCA Youth Gathering)
17. Read the entire Bible
(I have currently read the entire book of Matthew, Job, and Isaiah, but I would like to read them in order!)
18. Impact someone’s life, even if it’s only one person
(I've been told check this off several times :])
19. Forgive someone whom I know needs it, I just cannot bring myself to do it
20. To be told that I give awesome hugs!
(Since the beginning of last semester, I've been told this a few times!)
21. Get a tattoo of a bible verse
(CHECK! It's on my right leg, right above my ankle, and it says 'Matthew 6:34')
22. Drive by a Fraternity house and just blare Christian music ( I would love to see their reaction!!)
(I actually did this! Can you believe it??? Needless to say, they weren't happy with me and my friend trying blare christian music over theirs. Oh well haha)
23. Hit a home run
24. Own a vintage Mustang
1. Skydive
2. Go to Ireland
3. Do at least two mission trips
(I have completed one and am planning to go to Mexico on another one)
4. Publish a book that’s either poetry or an actual story
5. Visit London
6. Learn to surf
7. Kiss in the pouring rain
8. Backpack across Europe
9. Spend the night on the beach
10. Have a bonfire with as many friends possible
(that actually happened on the CCF Fall Retreat 2008!)
11. Get mentioned in some newspaper, I don’t even care if it’s my college’s paper!
(I am currently Writer of the Week, or was by the time this gets read, in the West Georgian)
12. Take a road trip across the U.S. and I have to visit every state
13. Lay in a field and just watch the clouds go by
14. Take a clear picture of Orion
(I am close to achieving this, I have the equipment, the weather won't cooperate with me!)
15. Publish a photography project
(I have several ideas for a project, like I said before, I have the equipment, I just have no time!)16. See the fireworks in San Antonio
(Did that summer 2005 with my youth group at the ELCA Youth Gathering)
17. Read the entire Bible
(I have currently read the entire book of Matthew, Job, and Isaiah, but I would like to read them in order!)
18. Impact someone’s life, even if it’s only one person
(I've been told check this off several times :])
19. Forgive someone whom I know needs it, I just cannot bring myself to do it
20. To be told that I give awesome hugs!
(Since the beginning of last semester, I've been told this a few times!)
21. Get a tattoo of a bible verse
(CHECK! It's on my right leg, right above my ankle, and it says 'Matthew 6:34')
22. Drive by a Fraternity house and just blare Christian music ( I would love to see their reaction!!)
(I actually did this! Can you believe it??? Needless to say, they weren't happy with me and my friend trying blare christian music over theirs. Oh well haha)
23. Hit a home run
24. Own a vintage Mustang
This is a story that I wrote for Jennifer Robinson, just out of the blue one day. I planned on giving her the story first so that she could read before anyone else, cuz after all, it's her story, before putting it up here. And I've done just that! Jenn enjoyed the story and I hope you do too!
There once was a girl named Jennifer Robinson. She was from a far away land called Aloasia. She was, of course, the prettiest girl in the entire kingdom. But, you see, she has never had a lover, because she had a curse on her. Whenever a man would come within 5 feet of her, they would become violently ill. Jennifer liked to take walks through the town, so men had to be on the lookout for her so they wouldn’t get sick. Jennifer was getting older and was soon to take the throne, if she could find a man to marry. But because of the curse, no man would dare go near her.
One day, while Jennifer was just dancing, singing, and picking flowers for her parents out in the meadows that were just outside the city limits, a man suddenly approached her. Jennifer was stunned that the man was not getting sick as he came up to her, nor did she recognize him. Jennifer could have sworn that she knew all the subjects of the kingdom. He was such a gorgeous looking man, that she thought that it was too good to be true. He had beautiful brown hair, a great accent, and blue eyes that seemed to go on forever.
Jennifer began to get lost in her thoughts. “Excuse me. Excuse me Miss.” he repeated himself several times to get her attention. Jennifer snapped back to reality, “Oh! I’m so sorry! How can I help you?” “I am trying to find my way to Aloasia. Do you, perchance,know where it is?” the man asked. Jennifer gasped, “Yes, I do!” Jennifer had to calm herself before she could continue, “I am Jennifer Robinson, Princess of Aloasia. Where are you trying to go?” “Oh,” he breathed a sigh of relief, “I am trying to find the Good Shepherd Church of God. I have heard that they hold services there every Sunday and I wanted to go today. My name is Luke, by the way, Luke Damon. And I am from Krenasia, about 300 miles from here.” “Luke.” Jennifer said to herself. Now she knew why she didn’t recognize him. “Let me show you the way! My mother and father will be thrilled to have a newcomer.” Jennifer told him, as she started walking. Luke followed behind her, “Thank you so much. I have my own church back in Krenasia that I attend every Sunday, and have done so for all of my life. But for some reason, all of the sudden, I felt that God was calling me here. And at first, I didn’t think anything of it. But as the days went on, the call to come here was just too strong to ignore Him any longer and so here I am.” “Well, I am certainly glad that you are here.” Jennifer told him. Luke smiled, “You know, forgive me for being so blunt, but you are a very pretty girl. Surely you must have a lover.” “No,” Jennifer said, sadly, “You see, I have this curse. Whenever a man dares to come within five feet of me, they are suddenly ill. “Well, I feel great!” Luke assured her. “Well I guess that you are certainly different from all the rest!” Jennifer said.
They walked in silence for a few minutes, “What do you think about life?” Jennifer inquired. Luke answered, “I believe that life is too short to be serious one hundred percent of the time. You have take chances.” “Really?” Jennifer asked. “Yea, I mean, that’s what makes life so exciting.” he answered. “And music?” she asked. “Life wouldn’t be life. Music is a part of the soul. You cannot have one with out the other. Is there a reason for all these questions?” he asked, chuckling. “No…” Jennifer said, half-heartedly and smiling, and kept walking without looking back.
They arrived at the church. They walked up the stairs and as they were about enter the church; Luke grabbed her arm and pulled her back. “What are yo—?” Jennifer started to say, but Luke interrupted her, “I want to ask you something.” Jennifer was a little bit confused and could see her parents walking up. Luke took both of her hands into his and started to talk, “I think that it is fate that we met. I have never attended another church my whole life. God called me here for a reason. I think you are very beautiful. I don’t think it is just a coincidence that I just happen to not get sick around you as all other men have. I know we just met, but life is too short to not take a chance.” At this point, Luke started to go down on one knee. “What are you doing?” Jennifer asked, already knowing the answer. “With God and your parents as my witnesses, I ask you this now. Will you, Jennifer Robinson, marry me, Luke Damon?” he asked, looking up at her. He was hoping that even though they had just met, that she would say yes. As stunned as she and her parents were, she said yes before she could even think it. “Yes, Luke Damon, I will marry you!” Luke got up and threw his arms around her waist and she threw hers around his neck and they kissed.
Three months later, they were happily married. They succeeded Jennifer’s parents as Luke and Jennifer Damon, King and Queen of Aloasia. And most importantly….
they lived happily ever after.
THE END
There once was a girl named Jennifer Robinson. She was from a far away land called Aloasia. She was, of course, the prettiest girl in the entire kingdom. But, you see, she has never had a lover, because she had a curse on her. Whenever a man would come within 5 feet of her, they would become violently ill. Jennifer liked to take walks through the town, so men had to be on the lookout for her so they wouldn’t get sick. Jennifer was getting older and was soon to take the throne, if she could find a man to marry. But because of the curse, no man would dare go near her.
One day, while Jennifer was just dancing, singing, and picking flowers for her parents out in the meadows that were just outside the city limits, a man suddenly approached her. Jennifer was stunned that the man was not getting sick as he came up to her, nor did she recognize him. Jennifer could have sworn that she knew all the subjects of the kingdom. He was such a gorgeous looking man, that she thought that it was too good to be true. He had beautiful brown hair, a great accent, and blue eyes that seemed to go on forever.
Jennifer began to get lost in her thoughts. “Excuse me. Excuse me Miss.” he repeated himself several times to get her attention. Jennifer snapped back to reality, “Oh! I’m so sorry! How can I help you?” “I am trying to find my way to Aloasia. Do you, perchance,know where it is?” the man asked. Jennifer gasped, “Yes, I do!” Jennifer had to calm herself before she could continue, “I am Jennifer Robinson, Princess of Aloasia. Where are you trying to go?” “Oh,” he breathed a sigh of relief, “I am trying to find the Good Shepherd Church of God. I have heard that they hold services there every Sunday and I wanted to go today. My name is Luke, by the way, Luke Damon. And I am from Krenasia, about 300 miles from here.” “Luke.” Jennifer said to herself. Now she knew why she didn’t recognize him. “Let me show you the way! My mother and father will be thrilled to have a newcomer.” Jennifer told him, as she started walking. Luke followed behind her, “Thank you so much. I have my own church back in Krenasia that I attend every Sunday, and have done so for all of my life. But for some reason, all of the sudden, I felt that God was calling me here. And at first, I didn’t think anything of it. But as the days went on, the call to come here was just too strong to ignore Him any longer and so here I am.” “Well, I am certainly glad that you are here.” Jennifer told him. Luke smiled, “You know, forgive me for being so blunt, but you are a very pretty girl. Surely you must have a lover.” “No,” Jennifer said, sadly, “You see, I have this curse. Whenever a man dares to come within five feet of me, they are suddenly ill. “Well, I feel great!” Luke assured her. “Well I guess that you are certainly different from all the rest!” Jennifer said.
They walked in silence for a few minutes, “What do you think about life?” Jennifer inquired. Luke answered, “I believe that life is too short to be serious one hundred percent of the time. You have take chances.” “Really?” Jennifer asked. “Yea, I mean, that’s what makes life so exciting.” he answered. “And music?” she asked. “Life wouldn’t be life. Music is a part of the soul. You cannot have one with out the other. Is there a reason for all these questions?” he asked, chuckling. “No…” Jennifer said, half-heartedly and smiling, and kept walking without looking back.
They arrived at the church. They walked up the stairs and as they were about enter the church; Luke grabbed her arm and pulled her back. “What are yo—?” Jennifer started to say, but Luke interrupted her, “I want to ask you something.” Jennifer was a little bit confused and could see her parents walking up. Luke took both of her hands into his and started to talk, “I think that it is fate that we met. I have never attended another church my whole life. God called me here for a reason. I think you are very beautiful. I don’t think it is just a coincidence that I just happen to not get sick around you as all other men have. I know we just met, but life is too short to not take a chance.” At this point, Luke started to go down on one knee. “What are you doing?” Jennifer asked, already knowing the answer. “With God and your parents as my witnesses, I ask you this now. Will you, Jennifer Robinson, marry me, Luke Damon?” he asked, looking up at her. He was hoping that even though they had just met, that she would say yes. As stunned as she and her parents were, she said yes before she could even think it. “Yes, Luke Damon, I will marry you!” Luke got up and threw his arms around her waist and she threw hers around his neck and they kissed.
Three months later, they were happily married. They succeeded Jennifer’s parents as Luke and Jennifer Damon, King and Queen of Aloasia. And most importantly….
they lived happily ever after.
THE END
Don't quit
When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,
When the road you're trudging seems all up hill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest, if you must-but don't you quit.
Life is queer with it's twists and turns,
As everyone of us sometimes learns,
And many a failures turn about
When he might have won had he stuck it out;
Don't give up, though the pace seems slow-
You might succeed with another blow.
Often the goal is nearer than
it seems to a faint and faltering man,
Often the struggler has given up
When he might have captured the victor's cup.
And when he learned too late,
when thenight slipped down,
How close he was to the golden crown.
Success is failure turned inside out-
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt-
And you can never tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems afar;
So stick the fight when you're hardest hit-
It when things seem worst that you mustn't quit.
brought to you by me, courtesy of Scandecor, Inc.
I.e. as awesome as this is...I didn't write it.
When the road you're trudging seems all up hill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest, if you must-but don't you quit.
Life is queer with it's twists and turns,
As everyone of us sometimes learns,
And many a failures turn about
When he might have won had he stuck it out;
Don't give up, though the pace seems slow-
You might succeed with another blow.
Often the goal is nearer than
it seems to a faint and faltering man,
Often the struggler has given up
When he might have captured the victor's cup.
And when he learned too late,
when thenight slipped down,
How close he was to the golden crown.
Success is failure turned inside out-
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt-
And you can never tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems afar;
So stick the fight when you're hardest hit-
It when things seem worst that you mustn't quit.
brought to you by me, courtesy of Scandecor, Inc.
I.e. as awesome as this is...I didn't write it.
Murphy's Law
Murphy was an optimist.....
No good dead goes unpunished.
Leak proof seals-will.
Self starters-will not.
Interchangeable parts-will not.
There is always one more bug.
Nature is a mother.
Don't mess with Mrs. Murphy!
90% of everything is crud.
If you're feeling good, don't worry, you'll get over it.
All warranties expire upon payment of invoice.
Where you stand on an issue, depends on where you sit.
Never eat prunes when you're famished.
Friends come and go, but enemies accumulate.
If you try to please everybody, nobody will like it.
A short cut is the longest distance between two points.
You will always find something in the last place you look.
The chance of a piece of bread falling with the buttered side down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.
No matter how long or hard you've shopped for an item after you've bought it, it will be on sale somewhere cheaper.
No one's life, liberty, or property is safe while the legislature is in session.
The other line always moves faster.
In order to get a loan, you must first prove you don't need it.
Anything you try to fix will take longer and cost you more than you thought.
If you fool around with a thing for very long you will screw it up.
A $300.00 picture tube will protect a 10 cent fuse by blowing first.
Any tool dropped while repairing a car will roll underneath to the exact center.
The repairman will never have seen a model quite like yours before.
When a broken appliance is demonstrated for the repairman, it will work perfectly.
A pipe gives a wise man time to think and a fool something to stick in his mouth.
Everybody should believe in something-I believe I'll have another drink.
Build a system that even a fool can use and only a fool will use.
Everyone has a scheme for getting rich that will never work.
In any heirarchy, each individual rises to his own level of incompetence, and then remains there.
You will remember that you forgot to take out the trash when the garbage truck is 2 doors away. The race is not always to the swift nor the battle to the strong, but that's the way to bet.
There's never time to do it right, but there's always time to do it over.
When in doubt, mumble. When in trouble, delegate.
Anything good in life is either illegal, immoral, or fattening.
It is morally wrong to to allow suckers to keep their money.
A bird in one hand is safer than the one overhead.
Murphy's Golden Rule: Whoever has the gold, makes the rules.
Everything east of the San Andreas Fault will eventually plunge into the Atlantic Ocean.
Nature always sides with the hidden flaw.
The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlamp of oncoming traffic.
Celibacy is not hereditary.
Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself.
Beauty is only skin deep, ugly goes to the bones.
To know yourself is the ultimate form of aggression. (Freudian psychology)
Never play leapfrog with a unicorn.
A Smith & Wesson beats four aces.
If everything seems to be going well, you obivously don't know what the heck is going on.
If more than one person is responsible for a miscalculation, no one will be at fault.
In case of doubt, make it sound convincing.
Never argue with a fool; People might not know the difference.
This was brought to you by me, courtesy of McGuire's Irish Pub of Destin, Florida. :D
No good dead goes unpunished.
Leak proof seals-will.
Self starters-will not.
Interchangeable parts-will not.
There is always one more bug.
Nature is a mother.
Don't mess with Mrs. Murphy!
90% of everything is crud.
If you're feeling good, don't worry, you'll get over it.
All warranties expire upon payment of invoice.
Where you stand on an issue, depends on where you sit.
Never eat prunes when you're famished.
Friends come and go, but enemies accumulate.
If you try to please everybody, nobody will like it.
A short cut is the longest distance between two points.
You will always find something in the last place you look.
The chance of a piece of bread falling with the buttered side down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.
No matter how long or hard you've shopped for an item after you've bought it, it will be on sale somewhere cheaper.
No one's life, liberty, or property is safe while the legislature is in session.
The other line always moves faster.
In order to get a loan, you must first prove you don't need it.
Anything you try to fix will take longer and cost you more than you thought.
If you fool around with a thing for very long you will screw it up.
A $300.00 picture tube will protect a 10 cent fuse by blowing first.
Any tool dropped while repairing a car will roll underneath to the exact center.
The repairman will never have seen a model quite like yours before.
When a broken appliance is demonstrated for the repairman, it will work perfectly.
A pipe gives a wise man time to think and a fool something to stick in his mouth.
Everybody should believe in something-I believe I'll have another drink.
Build a system that even a fool can use and only a fool will use.
Everyone has a scheme for getting rich that will never work.
In any heirarchy, each individual rises to his own level of incompetence, and then remains there.
You will remember that you forgot to take out the trash when the garbage truck is 2 doors away. The race is not always to the swift nor the battle to the strong, but that's the way to bet.
There's never time to do it right, but there's always time to do it over.
When in doubt, mumble. When in trouble, delegate.
Anything good in life is either illegal, immoral, or fattening.
It is morally wrong to to allow suckers to keep their money.
A bird in one hand is safer than the one overhead.
Murphy's Golden Rule: Whoever has the gold, makes the rules.
Everything east of the San Andreas Fault will eventually plunge into the Atlantic Ocean.
Nature always sides with the hidden flaw.
The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlamp of oncoming traffic.
Celibacy is not hereditary.
Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself.
Beauty is only skin deep, ugly goes to the bones.
To know yourself is the ultimate form of aggression. (Freudian psychology)
Never play leapfrog with a unicorn.
A Smith & Wesson beats four aces.
If everything seems to be going well, you obivously don't know what the heck is going on.
If more than one person is responsible for a miscalculation, no one will be at fault.
In case of doubt, make it sound convincing.
Never argue with a fool; People might not know the difference.
This was brought to you by me, courtesy of McGuire's Irish Pub of Destin, Florida. :D
Saturday, February 14, 2009
I think about it all the time. I can think of a million ways to do it. I can think of all the problems that it would solve for me. I don't even care about anyone else anymore. I'm tired of putting people before me. It's time for me to do whatever the heck I want and not worry about others. PERIOD. I don't want to even do anything anymore. I just want to sleep. I care nothing about softball, photography, writing, and CCF anymore. I have lost interest in everything I used to love. I want to do nothing but sleep. Nobody even reads this. So why should anyone care about how I feel? They don't so, why should I care about this stupid life?
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