Gram

My grandmother is one of the most amazing people I ever knew. And I don't ever talk about her. And I wish I did, because she's that amazing. I tried writing a song for her after she died. It's an unfinished one, because every line didn't seem to be enough to express how amazing she is. Even the word 'amazing' is an understatement to just how wonderful she is. I like to think I get some of my artistic talent from her. She could take anything that we as a society see as ugly, horrendous, and disgusting, and turn it into a beautiful piece of art. She was that good. My favorite thing she had ever done was this horse head sculpture. I have a picture of it somewhere, but no photography skills of mine could show how awesome of a piece it is. It's currently sitting in Andrew's room and it's actually Ryan's, and he plans to put it back in his room soon. The last time I was at my aunt's, I stayed in Andrew's room and I can remember sitting there and just staring at it. I mean really staring at it. I noticed all the lines, the way she put it together, everything. And I felt at peace. I felt calm, like I was safe within myself. I like to think that I am like her in some ways as far as the artist in us goes. Like I said before, she can take ugly things and make them beautiful. People are always telling me that they never thought an ugly thing could look so good in a photograph, but it does. I am always trying to find an awesome shot. I am always imagining how a shot could look. Granted, I don’t get to try and capture a lot of them, but the ones that I do, turn out really well. Epiphany (well I actually had it earlier): What inspires me to take pictures and make the world around us more beautiful than it already is? Gram. It’s because of her that I know that there are really good people in this world. It’s because of her that I see the world the way that I do. It’s because of her that I was not and am not afraid to tell her anything.

Before Anna, she was my sole best friend. During Anna, she was my best friend. After Anna, she was my sole best friend. She is never judging anyone. She never cared about what her crazy grandchildren did, as long as we were happy. She loved us much much much more than Anna loved me. We could walk in the house with purple Mohawk, tattoos all over us, piercings in who-knows-what, and she would still love us just as much as if we walked into the house dressed in preppy clothes. I feel like she would be the only grandparent that I could tell that I am bi, and she would never judge me.

When Gram was in the hospital, we knew she was going to go soon, and I never saw her in the hospital. It’s not like I didn’t love her, I love her than anything in this world. I just thought that it would be better that I remembered her the way that I did, this strong, beautiful, and feisty woman. Not the sick looking one in the hospital bed. I never got to say goodbye and today, I would trade that for anything in this world. Just to be able to tell her that I love her and that I’ll miss her. I had four grandparents and one is still alive. I have yet been able to say goodbye to them. It kills me sometimes to know that. But I know that they still love me anyways. I know that they still want what is best for me, for all of their crazy kids and grandkids.

Gram was a crazy woman, but she was a very loved woman. The next time I saw her after she had gone into the hospital was at her funeral. She was laying in that casket as beautiful as ever. But I met so many people that day, including her best friend. I still wish sometimes that I had met her while Gram was still alive, but I still feel blessed to know her. She told me a lot of stories about the things that she and Gram did. Many of which I had already heard, but still loved hearing them again. The service was a beautiful one and I like to believe that Gram would most definitely agree.

I still feel her presence around me sometimes. I like to think that she and Anna are up there (for they never met in real life), telling stories and laughing, and being there for me when I so desperately need them. So I say this again, Gram was an amazing, crazy, beautiful, not judging, beautiful, wonderful woman.