I'm learning

I'm learning. That's it. I'm learning how to not let things take complete control. I'm learning how to be patient. I'm learning to talk. I'm learning not to hold my feelings inside until they come exploding out and I have random crying fits. I'm learning to readjusted to this cruel world. I'm learning to put trust in others. For no reason I can think of, I have major trust issues. I take that back. I used to be an atheist. AND I have a hearing impairment. I think some people are only joking when they say kids are cruel and mean. but they really are cruel and mean and I honestly don't understand how someone, another kid, a teacher, a parent (I don't mean mine), anyone, reach out to me, tell me it would be okay. BUT I'm learning. And it's going to take some time.

I'm in a funk. I don't know. I feel like I'm just here. A rock. A rock that serves others but doesn't necessarily look after itself. I'm really easily irritated lately. Little things set me off. And it eithers makes me mad or I burst out randomly crying. It's just like what the hell am I doing here? I'm not in school and I don't have a job. And I kinda don't care about either really. I kinda of find myself each day just wanting to lay in bed and not do anything. I basically feel like everything I try at, I fail at. I feel useless. I AM useless. I don't want to go to school or get a job. I mean seriously, what's the point of even being here?