I hear it all the time, "Why do you choose to be gay?"
Well, I don't choose to be gay anymore than I don't choose to have a hearing impairment. If I had a choice, I wouldn't choose this. I wouldn't chose to be put through so much hate and trouble.
"Then, why not stay in the closeted?"
Because of several reasons. I chose to be happy and live my life to the fullest. I could be 'straight and be unhappy' or I could be who I really am and be happy. Plus, if I were to stay closeted, it wouldn't be fair to the other person. If that person doesn't make me happy, why would I waste both of our times. And same thing goes for the hearing impairment. I could ignore it and not wear a hearing aid and be absolutely miserable OR I could just accept it (as I have) and be completely.
And I don't even like labels really. I love who I love. The gender of that person doesn't matter as long as that person makes you happy. And Alix does that for me. I know that I had said before that I couldn't imagine my life without Kayla, but honestly? I said that because that's what people (and she) wanted to hear. This world is crazy. No one wants to hear how great you are doing after a bad breakup. No, they want to hear that you are suffering because it makes them feel better about themselves. We are all guilty of it. But hasn't anyone ever noticed that I only said that after I broke up with her. Yea, that's right. I broke up with her. I always said that she broke up with me, because it would seem more logical for her to break up with me than for me to break up with her. But no one ever read the letters she sent after I told her I was done. BUT that's not the point. The point is is that I only said that after I broke up with her. Never while we were dating.
But here's the thing. Life without Alix....it's not possible. It just isn't. I truly do love her and I truly do want to spend the rest of my life with her and I want to wake up to her beautiful face every morning. Before Alix, I never really thought about marriage and kids. But that all changed when I met her. I find myself....fanatsizing about the wedding and our lives and our kids and it gets more excited than I thought possible. I can honestly say that I have never felt this way before and honestly? I can't possibly do any better than Alix, because as far as I'm concerned, she's the best of the best. The greatest of the greatest. She's the first person I've ever written a poem for, the first person I've ever created a huge poster. She's just my everything. And with her, the world seems like a nicer place.
