Blind Side

If you haven't seen the movie, you should. It's definitely worth the money to see it. I can promise you that. If you haven't, I promise that there won't be any spoilers.

This movie made think. I think once you see it, that's a given. But this movie was basically about reaching out and helping someone. This theme has seem to prominent in my life the last few weeks. It first started when I was flipping channels and I saw this homeless guy begging for money or even food. But of course, no one was paying attention to this guy. And like usual, I paid no attention, like them. Then, it was the story of the night at CCF. Then this past week, when I was watching an episode of In Plain Sight, Brandi, the main character's sister, actually helped an old man in need. He was old, worn, and spoke no English. But despite it all, she made sure that he got to a hospital and got the care he needed. She, in fact, saved his life. And then this movie.

Who knows what would have happened if Leigh Anne hadn't told Sean to turn around that night. We know that Michael probably would have died not too soon later. He wouldn't be playing football and he certainly wouldn't have gone to college. What would this world be like if everyone just started helping others? There are so many programs to help the homeless but would any of these volunteers be willing to take them into their own home if they were to need it? There is so much hate and violence in this world, that it's just not possible for us to do something like that. I'm not really sure where I am going with this really. But it's been something that's presented itself to me and it was on my mind. And the fact that it's a prominent theme in my life these last few days, I feel like God is trying to tell me something. But I can't figure it out. Like I'm pretty sure He wants me to help. But I am lost as to what or who He wants me to help. I feel like its' right there in my face and for some reason, I can't see the bigger picture.

the last two months

A lot has changed in the last two months. For starters, the person I was talking about in the previous blog is well back in our lives. The three of us have this unspoken agreement that IT never happened. And I am quite okay with that.

I am officially out. My parents know. And it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be but it wasn't all that great. Brittney and I were suppose to go to Blakely to see Chelsea and Kayla. Kayla was home for Labor Day Weekend. Brittney had to work Thursday and Friday, I went home Thursday with Brittney and sat at her house both Thursday and Friday while she worked. We were suppose to leave after she got off work on Friday. Well, sometime Friday, Britt and Chelsea get into it and well, long story short, we didn't go. Saturday morning, Joey and Brandon came from Carrollton and got me. Later at home, I was trying to explain why we didn't go without saying that basically Brittney and Chelsea broke up. But my mom finished my sentence for me saying that they broke up. So my mom knows about Brittney. Okay. Well, it's Sunday and my mom and brother get into it, and my brother leaves. My mom is out on the porch, upset as ever. So, I go out there and try to comfort. I pretty much sit there, listening to her rant. When she was done, she was like, "Well, since I'm crying, you want to out yourself?" So my mom has known. For how long, I don't know. But we had a long talk about it. I don't think she's happy about it but she accepts it for what it is. Then I went and told my Dad. And well, he didn't want to talk about it. He did say, however, that he hopes it's a phase. And who knows? Maybe it is. I really don't think so though. But more on that later. So yea, my parents know. So I'm pretty open about it now. I mean, I'm not like introducing myself that way, like, "Hi, I'm Keeley and I'm gay." But I'm not quiet about it anymore.

I have a new girlfriend. Her name is Alix. And I am absolutely crazy about her. We met through friends of ours and we clicked right away. We started dating October 28, 2009. And until this weekend, we haven't spent a day or night apart since before we've started dating. I know that if you've been reading these posts, you're probably wondering about Kayla. Well, I was talking with Brittney and we've come to realize that we didn't really love each other like we thought. We fell in love with the feeling of love, if that makes sense. It makes sense to us haha. But Kayla isn't who I thought she was and she wasn't the best thing or the greatest thing that's ever happened to me. Kayla actually got mad at me for moving on so fast, even though she told me I needed to. I just think that she doesn't like the idea of me being with someone who makes me so much happier than she did. I mean people are actually noticing my change in attitude since Alix and I have started dating. I can honestly say that I really think that Kayla and I won't be talking to one another anytime soon. BACK TO ALIX. Alix is amazing. Like for real. We have so much in common, it kinda scares me. But at the same time, I like it. And with her, this ice wall that I have around my heart is starting to melt. That's what's crazy to me. Especially after all that I have been through with Kayla, I really wasn't expecting it to happen for awhile. She even knows about Anna already. She doesn't know the full story and she may not for awhile and that's okay. I'm trying to take it slow with her and just be patient. She is pretty much fresh out of a two year relationship with someone and I just have to say more power to her haha. Earl and I dated for a year and a half, and after I broke up with him for the final time, I wasn't ready to date for a good six months. Andrew doesn't count. But I really really like Alix. There aren't words to describe just how amazing she really is. And what she sees in me, I just don't know, but I don't want to question it. Brittney says we are amazing together. She says I'm not the easiest person to get to know and Alix seems to get me already, she understands me. And Brittney is right. I'm not easy to get to know. I wear my heart on my sleeve about some things. But when it comes to letting some one in and letting them get to know about me, I pretty much shut down. And I hate crying in front of people. Someone could probably shoot me in the foot (*knock on wood*) and I still wouldn't cry. Like I just can't. I'm not sure why I'm this way, I just know that I am.

My mom just had surgery on Thursday. She was diagnosed with stage 0 DCIS breast cancer. While stage 0 doesn't sound so bad, which it isn't, the cancer wasn't minor, just not as severe as it could be. It took me so long to process this information. It wasn't til the day before that it finally hit me. I really could lose my mom to this. And naturally I was with Alix when hit with this realization. She told me several times that I looked like I was going to cry. But I said I was fine. In actuality, I was so going to. But I couldn't in front of Alix. I should have went into the bathroom or something, but I didn't. Instead, we sat on the couch and I acted all weird. BUT anyways, my mom had the surgery on Thursday to get the cancer out and she did the reconstructive surgery while she was still under. She went in about 4 and was done around 9, 930. It was a good surgery and she came through like a trooper. Friday morning, she texted me and was like, "I'm ready to run around the block!" I went and saw her at the hospital after I finally got home from school. Oh and I bought her a stuffed elephant on the way home. Saturday afternoon, she woke me up from my bed. Turns out she had come home about 2 and a half hours before. She was telling me that I needed to get up haha. So it was another moment that I've come to cherish. My mom is a pretty strong woman and I love her to death.