Update

I know it's been awhile. I'm not really sure where to even start. So much has happened since I last posted. So I guess it'll be random thoughts til I'm satisfied.

Work:
I finally got a job. I currently work at the McDonald's by the theater in Carrollton and I love it. Well, I love the people I work with and some of our nice regulars. Our mean regulars...not so much. I will say that the one good thing that has come out of this job is that I have found my best friend, Danielle. Sure, it took us awhile to actually become best friends, but  now that we are, we are practically inseparable. We started talking once we were having problems with our significant others (more on that later) and from there, it's expanded into a beautiful bond that I consider to be rare these days. I honestly which I had posted back when I first started some of the crazy stories that I have experienced while working here. I'm sure I could get a book deal out of this. It's crazy, but I'll try to keep you updated on the craziness from here on out.

Personal life:
I've been depressed for a while. I just refused to accept that I was. Mostly out of not wanting to seem weak. I wanted to seem like nothing could get to me and that I was okay. But I wasn't. I was losing my appetite and I was slowly losing my passion for photography. Once I realized that was happening, I knew I was in trouble. But I still didn't do anything about it. I just put a smile on my face and pushed it deep inside me. Well, one night, it backfired on me. I was ready to end it all in my tub of mine and Alix's apartment. The only that stopped was the fact that I didn't want Alix to be the one to find me. Needless to say, I have gotten help. I'm talking to someone weekly and I'm on Effexor and it seems to be giving the motivation I need to get my life back on track, especially now that I'm now single (again, more on that later). My therapist is awesome and she has a pretty good memory. Before this had all happened, I had considered therapy, simply to have someone to talk to, because everyone always came to me to be a shoulder to cry on and to lend a sympathetic ear, but it felt like when I needed them, they weren't there (these people are no longer in my life). I can just talk and talk and she helps me figure things out and doesn't judge me. It's quite nice and I do wish I had started doing it earlier. Maybe I wouldn't be in this particular situation if I had. But hey, hindsight is 20/20, right?

Love life and living situation:
These two are unfortunately related. Alix and I broke up May 24. I won't go into full detail because that's not fair to Alix. Let's say that it was coming for a few months prior, and I hadn't accepted that fully. Also, actions speak louder than words and the actions of Alix told me that she wanted to be single for a while. I knew she wouldn't tell me that because she didn't want to hurt my feelings. However, I realized it's not fair to either of us to be in a relationship that isn't equal. Thus, the breakup. Don't get me wrong. We are still friends and I still love her as I always have. I just hope that once we get our lives back on track, that we can resume our relationship. At first, I didn't think that was what I wanted but, now I know, due to the experiences of the last month and a half. For starters, I had a crush on Danielle, but in the long run, Danielle and I decided it's better to be friends than lovers. I know her enough to know that if we had dated and then we broke up, that would be the end of that friendship, and I value that more than anything right now. Then there was Erecca. Lawd. I really thought I had something going with her. We talked nonstop for two weeks. I visited her at work. We went on a date and we kissed. Rather, we made out. It was great. Or so I thought. One night after a hellish night at work, I had a text from her basically saying that she wasn't feeling the same way towards me as I did towards her. Which really sucked. Like it hurt major. It still hurts, but now it's the idea of being rejected yet again. However, it's because of this, that I know it won't work with anyone but Alix. I still see my future with her, just as I have these last 3 and a half years. I mean 3 and a half years, that gotta mean something right? Our lease was up at the end of June and we decided to move on. Alix moved in with her friend and I moved back home. It's not that I hate living at home, it's the constant driving. And honestly, who wants to say that they had to move back home? I love my parents and I am grateful to them more than they can know for allowing me to move back into my old bedroom but I don't want to live here much longer. Danielle and I are more determined than ever to get a place together and I couldn't be more excited about it.

Danielle:
She's been there for me these last few months and vice versa. The bond we share is something that I believe is hard to find these days. I cherish it immensely. I do remember the first day I started working there. Danielle and Cody both came up to me and said HI!, hugged me and ran off. I knew I would love my job right then and there. And granted, Danielle and I didn't really become friends til a few months later, it feels like we've been best friends forever. And I love it. I never thought I would find something that I have with Stephanie with anyone else, but I did. I consider myself to be a lucky girl. Right now, we're going through almost the same thing and it helps that we can each other's sounding board. The best part? We don't hold back. If we think something the other is doing, is a stupid idea or just wouldn't work, we tell them that. I would rather know what she really thinks, not what I want to hear. Because we know life doesn't work like that. I love this girl more than she probably understands right now, haha but I definitely can't wait to see what  the future holds for our friendship.

Cody:
Cody is another best friend. He's like my big little brother. He may be taller but not older than me. He's also my sounding board as I am his. He's the one who introduced me to the Butterfly Project to help me stop cutting. Cody is a loving person whom I know I wouldn't have gotten through these last few months. He's also stopped me from doing a few stupid things too haha

Well as of right now, this is all that I can think to update on.