trying

to do what I'm not sure. I've never been too comfortable pouring my heart out to complete unknown strangers. I promise this makes sense. Maybe only to me, but it does. You see, I'm trying to figure myself out. It's come to my attention several years ago, that I'm...well...different. I guess, like they all say, I've always known but it's only here lately that I finally question. Yes, I know it's a sin, but God loves the sinner, that's me, and not the sin. I've tried to be something I'm not, and others may be happy with that, but I am not. My parents still don't even know. I watched Prayers for Bobby with my parents and somehow the question came up. What would they say if I told them I was gay? Both answers surprised me. Mom said that she would love me no matter what. My dad said that he wouldn't be happy, but he would still love me and just wants me to be happy. Should I be relieved to hear this? Yes and no. We always say that we will react one way or say one thing, and when it actually happens, they react completely opposite or say something that contradicts what they said before. Would it 'sweeten the deal' if I said I was bi? I mean I still like guys, so I would still have a chance at an easy life. But my heart wants what it wants. I can't help it. This is who I am. This is what I am. If I should lose my friends because of it, then they weren't really my friends. If I should lose respect from others because of it, then so be it.
Yes, I know what the Bible says. But you have to remember that whatever version you're reading is that of the interpreted version of mortal men, it's interpreted to be in their times. Yes, they said that those of the same sex who laid together would punishable by death. Well, it said the same thing for an adulterer and a child who disobeys their parents. Are you going to kill your child just because they disobeyed you? No. I believe that God loves me no matter what.
I don't believe this to be genetic, but I also don't believe that this is because of the way I was raised.

If you're reading this because of the link I posted onto my Facebook, I'm tired of hiding. This is who I am, and if you can't accept me and love me for me, then I guess we were never really friends.
To others who happen across this, yes I am really this crazy sometimes. But aren't we are all sometimes?